we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
