listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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