Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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