My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
