she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
this will be a night to untag.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
