My nipple is on Facebook.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
