i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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