I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
