Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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