please come you make the beer taste better
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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