my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
