We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
