Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize