hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
