just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
