no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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