1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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