he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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