Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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