im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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