clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
