He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
