So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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