I got chris browned last night
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
