Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
