A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
