ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
