I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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