But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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