how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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