god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
