Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
