Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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