I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
