I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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