You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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