ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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