i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
