He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize