saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i already hear my dad disowning me
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
