Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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