Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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