wrigley field is MILF paradise
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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