There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
