how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
This baby is an asshole
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
