I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
