We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
