I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
