I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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