yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
