Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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