you win again, gameday.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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