Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
