I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
