I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
