you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
