When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
