I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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