At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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