Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
