i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
