The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
