I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
