We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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