I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
