I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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