So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
