He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
