...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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