Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We left the knife in your bed.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
