You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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