Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize