Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
